Dealing with Grief

Grief is a response to loss. It describes the painful feelings that can affect us when we lose a family member, friend or animal companion. We can also grieve anything that’s been an important part of our lives and our sense of self, including loss of mobility, our work or a goal we hoped to achieve.  

How grief may feel

Grief is different for everyone and it’s common to experience a mix of emotions. You may feel:

• sad and tearful
• numb and shocked, especially in the early days of grief
• angry
• guilty
• anxious

You may also experience:

• problems sleeping
• appetite changes
• tiredness
• physical pain

Grief isn’t predictable and there’s no timeline for it. You may find that it comes and goes in waves, even after months or years.

The level of pain you feel – and how long it lasts – may vary depending on the situation. For example, when an older person dies after being ill for a long time, you may move through your grief quite quickly if you started processing it while they were still alive.  

Other situations can trigger grief that may feel overwhelming – for example, when you experience multiple losses at once, such as the loss of your job or home shortly after the death of a parent.

It can be very difficult living with grief for losses that society doesn’t always recognise, such as the loss of your health, mobility or fertility. Grief is an understandable reaction to losing the life you hoped for, and the ability to do things you want or need to do. When others don’t see this, grief can be a very lonely experience.

It’s important to remember that your feelings about any kind of loss are valid – there’s no right or wrong way to grieve.

Healing from grief
It may be helpful to think about growing around your grief. It doesn’t go away, but with time, your life grows around it. Meanwhile, there are lots of things you can do to gently support yourself.

Take care of yourself
It’s important to look after yourself while you’re grieving. Make sure you’re eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise and sleep. Take naps when you need to and try to do things that help you relax, such as meditating, going out for short walks in nature or watching the birds in the garden.

Accept your feelings
When you’re experiencing painful emotions, it can be tempting to try to ignore them or shut them down. But it’s much healthier to allow yourself to feel your grief. Cry when you need to, and you could try expressing your feelings through writing in a journal, or doing something creative, such as painting, if that’s helpful for you.

Connect with others
You may want some time alone to process your feelings, but it’s also important to connect with people who love you. If friends and family members have been affected by the same loss, you may be able to support each other through grief. Even if those around you aren’t directly affected, they can listen to you, and help to take your mind off the pain. You can also look for local support groups, online or in person, for people going through similar experiences.

Honour a loved one’s memory

If you’ve lost someone close to you, whether that’s a family member, friend or pet, you can find ways to honour their memory. You can talk to your family or friends about how you could do this. For example, you could donate to a charity in their name, plant a tree for them or have your favourite photograph of them framed.

You could also set up and share an online tribute on Spina Bifida Hydrocephalus Scotland’s In Memory page.

Getting more support
Grief is a natural response to loss but sometimes professional support may be important for helping you to make sense of it and move forward. You could think about getting more support if:

• you’re struggling to cope and the emotional pain is affecting your daily life
• those around you don’t understand your grief and you’re feeling isolated
• you’ve experienced a shocking or traumatic loss
• the painful feelings haven’t eased after six months

See your GP, who can assess you for conditions such as depression. Grief isn’t a mental health issue, but you can experience depression at the same time, so it’s important to get the right support.

If you’re going through grief, please get in touch with us here at SBH Scotland. We can listen to you and help you find the support you need. Call the SBH Scotland Helpline on 03455 211 300 or you can fill in this form to get in touch with our support team.